Winner and losers part 3

A winner listens; a loser just waits until it’s his turn to talk.

Winners and Losers by Sidney J. Harris is a collection of short, pithy aphorisms about what it means to be a good person and to live a good life. The book is out of print and Harris is long dead, so as a fan of his work I’ll be uploading a few scanned pages every Sunday until I run out. Harris and his publisher retain all copyright.

A winner shows he’s sorry by making up for it;

a loser says “I’m sorry,” but does the same thing the next time.

Again worth noting that Harris was considered a liberal in his time, but this sort of message of personal responsibility, which occurs throughout the book, demonstrates a very conservative mindset. It’s indeed a pretty old fashioned idea that sometimes mere words are not enough to redress a wrong, that sometimes a costly show of contrition is necessary. And more than that, that an apology is itself perfectly meaningless without true change.

A winner would rather be admired than liked, although he would prefer both;

a loser would rather be liked than admired, and is even willing to pay the price of mild contempt for it.

I vividly recall reading this as a young man and meditating on exactly the difference between these two desirable things, admiration and popularity. It was clear to me even at that young age, from my own limited experience and from the example of my father, that it’s very possible, even likely, to earn someone’s respect in the long run by making hard decisions they don’t like you for in the moment. Further, that such respect is far more important and durable than capricious popularity. It’s maybe the single most important lesson about how to be a leader I’ve heard put into words, and it’s served me well in a variety of roles in my life.